Predictions for 2015

Welcome to 2015! This is the year that Griff Tannen smashes up the Hill Valley courthouse and the Chicago Cubs beat Miami to win The World Series. These are well known and documented future events. We here at The Emerald City Zen Center have contacted our old friend Captain Pug, whose exploits have been documented in A Zen Master In Oz and The Martian Invasion of Oz (both available now on Amazon's Kindle service), to pop into his reality hopping steamboat, The Laughing Tortoise, and find a universe where time is running a year ahead of ours. He brought back several amazing insights into the year ahead. We have sifted through them and present our top 5 predictions for 2015.

1. Nigel Farage revealed to be a Muppet: The leader of the anti-EU, anti-immigrant, anti-progress and pro-banker UK political party UKIP, Nigel Farage, will be revealed to be a puppet that escaped from the Henson Creature Shop.

2. Rand Paul actually appreciates the FDA - Libertarians (racists who like to smoke pot and make themselves look smart by spouting off about Ayn Rand's objectivist crap philosophy) will be devastated when in an unguarded moment, Rand Paul admits that he is glad that the Food and Drug Administration is around to keep the acceptable levels of rat faeces in his peanut butter as low as possible without ruining the taste

3. UK Prime Minister declares his love for actor/comedian/social activists Russell Brand at a press conference in front of 1 Downing Street. At an anti-bedroom tax rally in London, Brand is surprised by Cameron parachuting in with an engagement ring to pop the question.

4. Barack Obama defeats invading alien force single handily and FOX News complains he did not do it fast enough - An invading fleet from the planet G'rx arrives to enslave the human race this year. Thankfully, President Obama is able to reveal that he had been trained as a child for just this moment. After destroying the fleet and killing the G'rx emperor in a sword fight, the world rejoices. Fox News' Sean Hannity questions if it really should have took the president an evening to repulse the alien invaders. He goes on to state his belief that the delay on the president's behalf was politically motivated.

5. Dalai Lama releases number one selling dance track of all time - The dance floors of the world pulsate with the deep grooves of Tenzin Gyatso - the 14th Dalai Lama's dub-step inspired dance track, Bodhisattva Booty, drops on an unexpected public this summer.