H.E. Double Hockey Sticks! Our Top 10 Demons

In The Martian Invasion of Oz, we are introduced to Floyd, The Cthulhi of Oz. He is a pacifistic spawn of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu that wants to give up the life of bloody conquest and defilement for a peaceful existence in the Land of Oz. In honour of Floyd, here is a look at some of our favourite demons.

10. Pazuzu - This ancient Babylonian "king of the wind demons" is the god of the Southwest wind and the bringer of famine and locusts. He was such a nasty number that he was invoked to drive off all of the other evil beings out there. He would have faded into obscurity if it were not for William Peter Blatty's novel The Exorcist and its film adaptation.

9. Asmodeus - The son of the biblical King David and a succubus, he is the demon of lust and is one of the embodiments of the Seven Deadly Sins. He is documented in The Book of Tobit, Talmud and other sources as being a real jerk to anybody that gets in between him and any lady that he fancies. He's also wicked looking, with three heads (bull, ram and man), one rooster's leg, a serpent's tail and rides around on a lion with dragon wings. He cuts quite a figure.

8. Mara - This tempter demon tried to lure Buddha away from his meditation prior to reaching enlightenment. He turns the mundane into the irresistible, distracting us from the spiritual path.

7. Randall Flagg - AKA Walter O'Dim, Martin Broadcloak  and numerous other aliases. He is the embodiment of evil spreading chaos and discord as he struts his way through Stephen King's multiverse as laid out in The Stand, Dark Tower Series and Eyes of the Dragon. He brings down civilizations for fun and is responsible for more dirty deeds than an army of NFL prospects.

6. The Crimson King  - Stephen King's offspring of a demon and Arthurian-type hero Arthur Eld, seeks to destroy the order of the multiverse in order to rule in the chaos that would remain. He is Randall Flagg's boss and his malevolent influence is responsible for all of the evil supernatural doings in King's work.

5. Pinhead - The leader of Clive Barker's Cenobites in his novella The Hell Bound Heart and star of the Hell Raiser film series, Pinhead leads the S&M themed Cenobites on their mission to inflict suffering on anyone unlucky enough to solve one of the puzzle boxes that lead to the realm of their dark god, Leviathan.

4. It - The nameless, shape-changing demon that liked to go hunting kids in the guise of Pennywise the Clown in a small Maine town in Stephen King's novel, It. He is a sworn enemy of the Maturin the Turtle, a giant, benevolent being that barfed the universe into existence. This makes him one of King's most obvious "Devil" analogues.

3.  Baphomet - Originally conceived as the icon worshipped by The Knight Templars in anti-Templar propaganda in the 14th Century, the goat-headed demon was adopted as a symbol by Anton LeVey for his  Church of Satan in the 20th Century. This gives him some pretty good demonic street cred.

2. Moloch -  According to The Old Testament, this ancient Canaanite god was the focus of sacrificial child sacrifice. While this may have been a misinterpretation of the Minotaur myth, the bull-headed Moloch has become associated with oppression and greed.

1. Lucifer -  Hmmmmm . . . . Could it be Satan? Yes, yes it is. Old Scratch, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles and on and on. Western Civilization's greatest anti-hero/bogeyman. The one Milton had intone "Better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven" is the king numero-uno of demons, even more so than Ronnie James Dio or King Crimson!

Santa Claus . . . Man of Action!

It seems quite likely that the kindly, fat, old, child loving, present giving Santa Claus we all know and love is actually the king of the Norse Gods, Odin, in disguise. Don't believe me? Click here, Jackson, and see for yourself! While Coca-Cola and countless low-budget animated TV specials have tried desperately to transform him into a cuddly, saccharine-sweet eunuch with the sole aim of selling as much cheaply made tat as possible during the Christmas season, some of Odin's edge can still be found in popular depictions of the original Big Red Cheese.

While the brief appearance he makes in The Martian Invasion of Mars is not one in which he shows off his more "Die Hard" side, we here at the Emerald City Zen Center really dig a tough-guy Santa. Here are our 3 favourites.

1. Doctor Who: Last Christmas (2014) - This year's Doctor Who Christmas special featured comedian Nick Frost as a take charge, no nonsense Santa Claus that rides Rudolph like the Lone Ranger rides Silver. He's a monster fighting, tough talking, monster stomping Kris Kringle come to the rescue of Clara and The Doctor as they try to find their way out of the Inception-esque dream puzzle the creepy Dream Crabs have trapped them in.

Hi-ho, Rudolph!

2. The Rise of the Guardians (2012) In this animated team up of Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Sandman and Jack Frost, St Nick is a sword wielding, powerfully built, tattooed Russian known as "North" (played by famed Hollywood whacko Alec Baldwin) who leads his team of folkloric children's heroes in battle against the forces of the Boogieman. Adding cool points is the fact that along with the traditional elves, this Santa has an army of yeti assisting him.

North ready to whittle down that naughty list

3. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (1950) This is probably the most disturbing depiction of Santa but does fit in with his old Norse roots. In the novel that kicks off The Chronicles of Narnia series of allegorical Christian-themed children's fantasy books, Santa shows up to deliver weapons to the Pevensie kids with which to wage war with. As thoroughly creepy as a weapons dealing Santa Claus might be, it is one of the least problematic aspects of the C.S. Lewis' Narnia work. Still, there is something so perverse about Kris Kringle doling out lethal weapons to kiddies as though they were toys, that you kind of have to respect Lewis for the audacity.

Here's the jolly old war monger

Top 10 Zombie Hordes



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The Ozombies make their premier in The Martian Invasion of Oz. While they are pretty gruesome bunch when they want to be, they have been preceded by some awesome undead cousins. Here are our picks for the ten best of them.





10. Night of the Living Dead - The undead ghouls of this 1968 classic directed by George Romero pretty much created the zombie genre. These creeps continue to be evolved by Romero in the (so far) 5 sequels/sidequels that he has put out over the last few decades.

9. Death Troopers - Most Star Wars spin-off material is pretty lame. I mean, we loooovvvvveeee Star Wars here but who wants to read a series of derivative novels about the adventures of Han Solo's kid and Lando Calrissian's great-nephew on spring break? But, novel about Han and Chewbacca battling their way through an Imperial prison ship filled with freaky, alien zombies!!!!! Well, that's pretty cool. What happens when a Wookie becomes a zombie? You've got to read it to find out, but it's pretty gross.





8. Zombi 2 - Created as a knock off of Romero's Dawn of the Dead (which was released in Italy as Zombi), Lucio Fulci's 1979 film is choked filled with memorable gross out moments. It is also contains the reason film exists - an underwater battle between a zombie and a shark! That's not even getting into the reanimated carcasses of centuries old Spanish Conquistadors.





7. Return of the Living Dead - Original Night of the Living Dead Screenwriter Joe Russo had a falling out with George Romero and the resulting legal settlement gave him the rights to the "Living Dead" title for any future work. He then wrote a script to the original film, that was heavily re-written by director/screenwriter Dan O'Bannon. The result is a punk rock infused, gory comedy that introduced the world to the first zombies with a hankering for brains.
 




6. Juan of the Dead - This 2010 horror comedy from Cuba features a petty criminal, Juan, and his pals making the best of a zombie holocaust in their communist island paradise. It's as much of a parody of contemporary Cuban life as it is a zombie film, but it is one great zombie flick.





5. Dead Snow  - Tommy Wirkola's 2009 Norwegian film combines Scandinavian folklore and zombies to tell a black comedy about Nazi zombies terrorizing attractive Nordic youth to protect their treasure.



4. Marvel Zombies - One of the best ideas Marvel Comics has had since having Peter Parker get bit by a radioactive spider was to create a parallel universe in which all of its heroes become zombies. Perfect. Really.
 


3. Army of Darkness - Sam Raimi's 1992 sequel to his legendary Evil Dead 2 features his hero, Ash Williams, lead a band of medieval warriors against an army of wise cracking undead soldiers. Great stuff.



2. Versus - This film released in 2000 by producer/director/co-writer Ryuhei Kitamura features the returned corpses of victims of a ruthless gangster and his crew brought to life in The Forest of Resurrection. Creepy, crazy, gory and always keeps you guessing.



1. Shaun of the Dead - The greatest of Zombie comedies. A loving tribute to the work of George Romero. A zombie Nick Frost. It can't be beat.

The Top 10 Alien Invaders of Earth

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The Martian Invasion of Oz features the terrible forces of the Second Martian Empire invading The Land of Oz. They are part of a long line of villainous aliens who have tried to invade our planet through the years. Here are our top 10.


10. The Visitors (V) - These rat eating, human disguised, reptile invaders had us all bamboozled in the legendary 1983 miniseries, 1984 sequel and 1984-85 series.
 


9. Xenomorphs (Alien, Aliens, Alien3, Alien Resurrection, Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Predator: Requiem and Prometheus - sorta). They didn't make it to earth until 2004's Alien vs Predator, but these buggy, reptilian, sort of humanoid, acid-blooded death machines are pretty hard core.



8. Predators (Predator, Predator 2, Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Predator: Requiem, Predators). They are a race of super hunters with a penchant for hunting humans, but only the toughest, like Danny Glover.



7. They Live Aliens (They Live) These skull faced freaks were controlling us through subliminal messages while stealing the planet's natural resources. Luckily, they did not count on the might of Rowdy Roddy Piper.



6. The Cybermen (Doctor Who) - Originally they were the misguided inhabitants of Earth's twin planet Mondas, who turned themselves into cybernetic, hive mind monsters. Later, a parallel universe Earth produced its own version of them via wireless tech. Now both versions seem to have merged. Regardless, they are one of science fiction's most regular invaders.



5. The Borg (Star Trek: The Next Generation, ST: Voyager, ST: Enterprise and Star Trek: First Contact) A more effective knock off of the Cybermen that have been giving the Federation hell for decades.



4. The Daleks (Doctor Who). Nasty little fascist mutants in a robotic tank casing. The Doctor's greatest enemies who have attempted to take control of Earth numerous occasions.



3. The Overlords (The Childhood's End) These demonic looking servants of the Overmind show up and evolve our species to death.



2. The Drifters (The World Jones Made) Phillip K Dick's Drifters are, well to tell you will ruin the story but they impact they have on the relativist dystopian, post-apocalyptic Earth makes some darn good reading.



1. The Martians (The War of the Worlds) No matter how many movies, TV shows, comics, radio plays etc. that H.G. Wells' novel inspires, these are the original invaders from another planet and have set the tone for all of the rest.



Big News!!!!!!

It's here! The sequel (sorta) to A Zen Master In Oz!!!!!

 Available on Kindle here.